|
|
Saturday, April 19th, 2008
| |
4:31 pm - Reality bites
|
Fool!
You need to go and see her. Talk to her face to face. A letter does not make up for anything; especially when the recipient is too stubborn to respond. You aren't a child any longer Agladir. If you don't talk to her now it might be that you'll lose your chance forever; for who can say what the future will bring? And this mess cannot be left to fester any longer. You swore to yourself that you and Maril would have the proper ceremony -even if slightly delayed- so you need to tell your mother and then pray that she will agree to stand in your fathers place.
You need to apologise; or more likely, grovel.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, March 9th, 2008
| |
11:23 pm
|
Leave Gondolin? I barely remember what the world outside Tumladen was like and I don't count going to the Dagor Nirnaeth or serving on the Watch as knowing what it's like out there. I've heard the tales, we all have, but what the reality is none of us understand. I don't even know if I'll be staying or leaving. Technically I'm a combatant but with a son who is less than a year old; I know my father fought in the Aglareb, though it was not glorious, but I was older than Antien is, I don't want my son to grow up without a father. It's not a tradition I want to pass onto him. Ninniach has said that Lord Egalmoth will put the decision to the House, just as he did before Helcaraxe but, I don't know...
current mood:  uncomfortable
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006
| |
12:51 am - New father terror
|
Helping Maril give birth in the undergrowth of the plain of Tumladen was not how I expected to say my first hello to my baby! Yes, my baby. I am a father. I still don’t quite believe it. Last year I was just hoping to marry Maril, I didn’t think that we’d have any children for a good many years. But one just a year later? That was unexpected. I thought maybe get married first and then worry about children. Not have an official demi-marriage and then a baby at roughly the same time. It’s definitely been an eye-opener, whether of a good kind I’ve yet to decide. Antien truly is a little gift and yes I’m well aware of how clichéd I sound but, he really is beautiful. He was born early and is so tiny. His little hands, little hands that can wrap around just one of my fingers; tiny hands With a grip as good as his I’m certain he shall be good at the bow when he’s older. If he’s not I’ll be surprised. I thought it best not to say as much to Maril however; I don’t want to upset her.
She's written a letter to her parents- and Duilin, telling them about the baby. She wants me to write to mother but, but I can’t. I just can’t! I adore my mother but I just can’t write letters. I find it hard enough to speak to her as it is. But to write a letter? She probably hates me now, after that last one-I just don’t know how to tell her!
current mood:  contemplative
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, May 7th, 2006
| |
10:34 pm - Leaving and a letter
|
I’m not sure I can do this. Leaving the city. I’ve done it before; the Nirnaeth, trips to the mines, simply riding about the plain with Car’ when I was younger. But leaving this, well urgently and for such, oh I don’t know, such an important reason –no one is ever going to convince me that war is important. She wants to go so badly though and nothing I say changes her mind in even the slightest, she’s got everything; I’m not even going to ask how she managed to forge the papers, I don’t want to know. I’ve made a letter for mother; it’s on her dressing table tucked under one of the wooden boxes she’s got there. She was given it by the wood turner Iauril for helping him, it’s new, I hate it. Just as I hate how she keeps trying to get me to apprentice to him; and how he and mother spend so much time together. Still I don’t want to be anywhere near when she reads it, I dread to think how she’ll react. So we go to the North gate to travel part way down to the vale before being met by some of Maril’s friends; old friends I think from before Beleriand, makes me feel like a child when I think of that. I think I am a child, or at least a child who knows about danger and so worries about it. I can’t do this.
( (Letter )
current mood:  anxious
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, October 30th, 2005
| |
8:16 pm - Musings of might and children
|
I don't want to tell mother about the child, I really don't, but it must be done I suppose for it is her grandchild that I think of. I just wish I knew whether it was a boy or a girl; it's my child and that's all I can call it. I never expected to be a father for years yet, this is not the best time to be having children; we had the long peace and yet we 'chose' to have a babe now. Although perhaps it is best that I become a father now for, in these unsettled times who knows when peace will come again? I hope soon for all our sakes.
It shall be the Spring Trials soon I haven't missed one in years, I never get very far; the longbow and I get along fine, but the recurve and I sometimes have arguements, even if it is the easier to draw out of the two types. I shall leave the bladed contests well enough alone; I tried them once and made a complete fool out of myself so, never again! Still rumours are that there will be a team competition this time. If there is I think we'll have to construct teams for it. Unless they decide to organise us into teams. That would be uh, different.
current mood: anxious
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, August 27th, 2005
| |
11:40 pm - Musings
|
I've asked Rogion to make the wedding rings for me. I haven't told Maril that I have yet. I'm not sure how. I'm not even sure why I asked him, I just thought that they may be a good idea to have.
I also know how I'm going to tell mother about this. A letter. When I'll deliver it I don't know; but soon. When I know for certain that I can be far away.
I need to sort my head out. I still can't overcome the fact that I'm going to be a father, it wasn't exactly planned...
current mood: contemplative
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, August 8th, 2005
| |
10:54 pm - Ghostly mutterings
|
I don't like ghosts. I never have, I never will. The dead are supposed to go to Mandos' Halls when they die not linger on and haunt the living. The thought of it makes my skin crawl. It always makes me think of my father. Did he linger afterwards? Was the call too strong? Or were we not important enough for him to linger? Caranmoth would never talk about the 'Dagor Aglareb'- glorious battle? HA! Not for me it wasn't. Ada died in that battle. I was fourteen years old and because of that battle I had no father and yet, yet they dare call it a glorious battle. Battle isn't glorious all it is, is a waste. This last has proven that. We weren't ready and lost so many. Narminco's dead. I saw it and could do nothing! I wasn't quick enough. Battle, war, all it is, is a waste. A waste of life.
Caranmoth never told me exactly how he died; he refused to. He and my father had been friends, perhaps not good friends, but friends all the same. So, I never asked. Perhaps I should have, I know he was killed by Orcs but, that is all. I remember some people saying that he died later of the wounds he recieved; but I'm not certain, they always fell silent as soon as they saw me. I was Alcarions' little son, I didn't need to know all the details. Ada was only a bowman he couldn't wield a blade, not even to save his life. I can, Nana made certain that I knew how to wield a long knife as well as a longbow, I still don't understand how he died. Ada was a reserve bowman; he should have been well back away from the very front, behind both the sword and spearmen. In some ways I don't want to know how he died but in so many I do.
I don't remember him well and mother will not speak of him. She loved him deeply I know that much but, it doesn't stop her from calling him stupid, a fool, an idiot. I think I look like him; but I'm not sure. I don't really remember. I do miss him though and perhaps that's why I don't like ghosts. I don't like ghosts because my Ada was never a ghost.
current mood: melancholy
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, November 29th, 2004
| |
7:33 pm - What is Gondolin coming to?
|
They've arrested one of the Swallows! How could they arrest him? He had done nothing wrong. It's true some had been taking potshots at the Moles but heck, if Lord Egalmoth had let us we would have been doing it as well I've no doubt about that. But now, they arrest Emelin (I think that's his name) and HELEDIR who had only just entered the market. If Emelin had been carrying his bow and quiver I could understand but, he wasn't and when the Fountain boy attempted to say so the guard arrested him as well.
What is Gondolin coming to?
Well, just because Nerin pulled me back doesn't mean I can't do anything. If the guards think the Rainbow House is going to sit back and do nothing they've got something else coming. We might not be allowed to draw our bows on them OR the Moles but we can damn well attempt to do something.
current mood:  angry
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, October 5th, 2004
| |
9:56 pm
|
I sit on the Fountains edges...there are no answers...
I sit on the City walls...there are no answers...
I sit in the markets...there are no answers...
I sit in a chair by the empty hearth...there are no answers...
I sit with my...wife...there are no answers...
I sit upon the Library steps...perhaps...perhaps there are answers...
current mood: contemplative
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Saturday, July 24th, 2004
| |
10:15 pm - What a mess!
|
Never thought I'd ever say this, but Rogion's right. We need to tell them. I mean, they're going to find out sooner or later, and I guess, well, in this case sooner is better than later.
But oh Holy Manwe and Varda what a mess!
current mood:  worried
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, July 11th, 2004
| |
5:51 pm - Fire and memory
|
The fire has been put out now, but the consequences of it will be felt for a long time yet I think. Some people say that the storm was from Morgoth and that fire rained down from the skies. Others say it was just lightning and bad luck. But who's to say which is right and which is wrong?
It was actually quite frightening to watch when I think about it. The canvases just went up, and if it wasn't for the Lady Maiwen's quick thinking more would have went the same way; people included.
Maril has decided that we shouldn't tell either her parents or my mother anything for the moment and I agree but, not doing so is difficult; and avoiding mother even more so. She has decided that 'Ran's old house is a good place to avoid people in, since no-one would go there especially not her parents; but the memories there are terrible even if the house has little of its old warmth and cheer, but still we keep going there for it stops people from asking questions.
current mood: nervous
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, April 15th, 2004
| |
8:40 pm - Strange...
|
I don't think I've ever had a conversation quite like that one before.
"I don't mind if something of the "not nice kind" happens to me, I just need excitement in my life. Rash things are almost always wonderful things. Good or bad they have a sudden and unexpected effect on your life, changing the course of it.."
My father was rash and look what happened to him...so was Car' and look what happened to him as well. Exactly the same as what happened to my father. They're both dead; and I don't want her, or anyone else to meet that same fate. Rash things yes they can be wonderful. But in my experience more often than anything else, they're not.
I just wish I could explain why I said what I said to her. Sometimes I can speak perfectly easily, perfectly...normally, and other times. Like that time, I just can't and it's so...so...frustrating! And annoying, and I say something that although it sort of makes sense in the context of the conversation, just...just doesn't explain it.
current mood: frustrated
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, April 1st, 2004
| |
5:37 pm - Noisy people.
|
Hmmm... someone remind me again why it is your not supposed to go listening into things that don't concern you?
*shakes head* I'm turning into Rogion and Falathar, being too curious about what's going on. Now... I really wish I hadn't listened.
I didn't mean to listen in, I was just passing by and heard the noise and so looked around to find out what was going on; hadn't expected to see that. Glad I disappeared when I did.
Not good, not good at all.
current mood: nervous
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, March 10th, 2004
| |
2:04 pm - Yes?!
|
He said yes!!!! He said yes!! I don't believe it, he said yes!!!
Though, mother's response isn't quite I expected... don't have a clue what I did expect but then... mother likes being unpredictable in her responses so...
*sigh* Maybe that's what I did expect.
Though, insulting Maril to her face isn't always a good idea.
Please stay quiet Maril!!!
current mood:  grateful
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, March 4th, 2004
| |
11:29 pm - Asking...
|
I'm going to do it.
I'm going to ask Lord Egalmoth right now.
Captain Berroth said he was home,it's the perfect time so now it has to be.
He's home, Elanna's home, Maril's home... Mother's talking...
Oh Valar!! I think I'm crazy for doing this!
What do I do if he refuses to let us marry?
current mood: worried
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, February 9th, 2004
| |
10:13 pm - Yucky wine! Bleh!
|
Blackberry wine? I'm not sure about that...I mean surely it would be too sour to even attempt to drink, wouldn't it?
Though I'd gladly try it, "you can't say no to something you've never tried" was what my father always used to say. Got me eating stuff that I'd never had tried before otherwise so; good saying...
As long as it doesn't taste like cranberry wine...or...or cinnamon...Yuck!! Father gave it to me when I was little to try, all I did in the end though was gulp gallons of water. I mean they're disgusting! Bleh, how could anyone ever drink that stuff I'll never know. I still remember the fact that father laughed at me for it afterwards, didn't forgive him for almost two days, giving me disgusting stuff to drink, bleh! It almost ruined the festival for me, yucky, disgusting strange concoctions that should never have been invented!
But blackberry? Mother had some in the house once...I think...didn't have a clue what it was though so, it might not have been. But then again...
current mood:  curious
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, January 19th, 2004
| |
10:20 pm - I can't believe this...
|
I can't believe I'm doing this, going to find Lord Egalmoth to ask him whether I can marry his daughter. Aye Valar! I must be mad to do this!
And what'll he say? Valar I have no idea what he'll say! He might tell me never to come near his daughter again and remove from the house! And I don't think mother has any idea about what's been going on either, all of a sudden everything's been happening so fast. And yet...
Oh get a grip Agladir Alcarion!
You've just got to do it! Besides which if you meet Ran in the halls of waiting and he asks 'did you eventually marry Maril then?' He'd be liable to attempt to throttle you-is that even possible in the halls?- and Rogion'll probably do it in real life if you don't anyway; and what with the Lady Elanna's support surely lord Egalmoth will agree. Surely he will... Surely...?
current mood: hopeful
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, January 11th, 2004
| |
9:30 pm - It's not as bad as I thought.
|
So, I finally know...
And it's not half as bad as I thought it would be.
Not that I had any idea about what it could be like but... it's still better than I thought it would be.
Praise be to Mallos! Praise be to Lord Glorfindel for teaching his esquires normally un-useful information, that thankfully was useful in the end.
Though the dancing could be a bit of a problem... at least I can stay on my feet now which is always good but...it's where I put the feet is now the problem.
One problem solved, one problem still here...
Oh well...
current mood:  relieved
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, January 8th, 2004
| |
11:42 pm - What is it?
|
I need to know!
Just what is it that I have to do?
I could go to the Great library and ask there but... I could run into Meneliel so, not a good idea...
Hmmm... where...where...?
That's it!! I've got it! I know who to ask; now I just have to pray that he has the answer...
current mood: thoughtful
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, January 7th, 2004
| |
11:47 am - Not someone else?!?!
|
Ai Valar! Again!
And Narminco this time! They're never going to leave me alone, are they?
First Rogion, then Narminco. Not to mention Lord Enerdhil, though, that was a bit strange...Oh yeah and Caranmoth was always saying things, though at least never in front of anyone else, did he? I don't remember him doing that, but, oh well. And not forgetting Maril almost telling her father about it a... well, a while ago. To say I had to think on my feet would be an understatement.
Maril and I will get married, we've decided, sort of, a long time ago but, lord Egalmoth. It's alright for them, the women they wanted to marry fathers weren't the Lord's of the House they're a member of.
But that probably should make it easier shouldn't it. Ai valar! Everything's against me! It must be! Fate! Everything!
But I really am going to have to say something, else Maril might... no! She wouldn't! Would she? No! She wouldn't, she just wouldn't! Notafter...
current mood: anxious
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
agladir's journal